Its been almost a year since you were still mine. I fucking miss you. Im trying so hard to move on a nobody sees it. I let myself fall for people so fast because i just want that fucking void filled, and i just end up getting so hurt. You moved on, why cant I ? What the fuck am I letting hold me back. Love hurts. I say that because i know. Its an incredible feeling to be able to know what she/he is going to say. Its more incredible the way she/he has me on the edge of my seat because she/he is so completely random, I never knew what was coming next. Its hard to explain, but she filled some kind of void in me and now without her i feel like im missing something. I didnt ask for it to be over, but thenn again, i didnt ask for it to begin. But I guess thats just the way it is with life, some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance. but even the most beautiful days have their sunsets. Im so filled with Anger, and jealously. And so many emotions I dont even know how to explain. I smile and joke when im out with everyone, but no one knows youre the only fucking thing on my mind. When im staring out into fucking space, when im messing with some stupid little item, no one knows im thinking about us. My heart aches, so badly. Im beyond the point of depression, I dont even know what im feeling anymore. I have no motivation to do anything. ever. ive screwed up so many times, trying to find someone to just want me in the wrong places. This time its over, im keeping my heart. Im gonna be strong and not fall apart. Itll get better, Ill no longer cry. In a couple of weeks I wont want to die. I guess sometimes we need to get hurt in order to grow, sometimes our vision only clears after out eyes are washed away with tears. Its like once youve been hurt, your so scared to get attached again. You have this fear every person you start to fall for is just going to break your heart again. Id like to think ill be happy again. Have you ever hated somebody so much that you wish they would just leave and never come back, yet, loved them so much, you knew youd die if you they did?
Im glad youre happy. I cant say that im completely happy for you, but i guess thats just a part of life, Ill always have feelinng for you, but rest of the world is forcing me to move on.
My thoughts are making me go fucking insane.
